10 Ways to Impress Your Customer

  1. Never answer the question you’re asked. Clearly, any question a customer asks is not relevant to the main point you’re trying to get across. Make sure you only answer the questions you’d ask if you were the customer. I mean, you’re the one that created the solution, so naturally, you know the problem better than anyone else.
  2. Speaking as quickly as possible shows how bright you are. It is essential to ensure the words come out at, or just above, the speed at which the customer’s cognitive processes run. It makes you look smart, and therefore reinforces in the customer’s brain how very right you are for their business.
  3. Make sure you get across the fact that your customer’s business is in a really terrible state right now, and only you can fix it. If this story is inconveniently implausible because of the stellar results your customer just announced,  fall back by pointing out that their results were only a fraction of what could have been possible with you on board.  If that doesn’t work, make sure to accuse them of lacking vision and not signing up to the “art of the possible”.
  4. On the “art-of-the-possible”, you’re really selling the “art-of-the-possible-only-with-me”. Competitors don’t exist. If your customer is annoyingly well informed, first attempt to diss anyone they bring up, then, attempt to diss the customer’s understanding of the competitors product. If none of that works, diss all previous versions of your product, whilst emphasising how the new version has light shining out of every feature.
  5. Even when you have no answer, or don’t know an answer, make something up. There is nothing so impressive to a customer as someone who knows everything, even the unknowable.
  6. Make sure you dress in your designer ripped jeans and baggy Tee, especially for a C-suite level meeting. It makes sure everyone knows you’re different and unique. Also, C-suite executives get bored if all they have to look at it someone in a suit.
  7. Show up and demand an internet connection for your demo. Imply your customer is backwards if they don’t have one. As you know, most customers like to have their infrastructures compared to the dark ages, especially in public.
  8. Always, without fail, push back. On every single objection, actually on every single thing the customer says, if possible. The “push-back” is a key technique to ensure the customer knows who is in control. Failing to master the “push-back” means your customers might start thinking for themselves, and you don’t want that.
  9. Have a core belief in yourself. Never let the inconvenience of a smart customer shake it. Smart customers are more likely the higher up the customer’s hierarchy you go. So the more senior the meeting, the more you have to believe in yourself. Put up a wall of belief that’s so strong you don’t even have to listen to anything anyone else says, no matter how good. Trust me, you’ll feel better about yourself if you do.
  10. Of course, if you really want to impress your customer, you should ignore points 1 though 9. But you already knew that, I hope.

5 Responses to“10 Ways to Impress Your Customer”

  1. June 15, 2011 at 12:46 am #

    James,
    Good evening. Great list of don’t disguised as do’s. It only took me to #7 to get it. I’m old and slow.

    Looking forward to following you on twitter.

  2. Carol Schultz
    June 16, 2011 at 4:21 pm #

    James,

    Very great. After reading #1 I thought, “What am I, a politician who doesn’t answer questions asked of me?” At #2 I was almost totally clued in to the facetiousness of the article. I realized this was a joke by #5.

  3. Noel
    September 14, 2012 at 1:43 pm #

    Awesome article…….so good to have some humor in an article for a change. Very refreshing.

  4. February 11, 2013 at 9:24 pm #

    It was funny, because I know of some People who operate their Personal Lives like that.
    Eventually, I was getting concerned as this does often work within some Businesses.

    Usually, the ones that operate from Call Centres, unfortunately.
    As They do have an advantage of anonymity.
    (Are You really going to look for a Company called, “Internet Service Providings”, when They probably aren’t a registered Business?).

Pingbacks/Trackbacks

  1. 4 Effective Strategies to Make Your Business Standout | Brand Exposure Blog - February 21, 2012

    [...] of how to impress your customers? Conceptualizing a strategy in making your business standout could [...]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

(Required)

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Proudly powered by WordPress   Premium Style Theme by www.gopiplus.com