How ready is your institution for the recovery?

Security: I don't understand it, so I'm not going to allow it. Even if I did allow it, I'm going to treble your costs with a penetration test, a massive security review, and another couple of layers of technology to minimise the chance of even theoretical attacks succeeding.

I.T Architect: That's not our standard. Yes, I realise this is so new it isn't on our architectural roadmap, but in the interests of architectural purity, I can't allow it till I've tire kicked for at least a few months. Anyway, we're fast followers. Why on earth would we agree to be the first?

Risk: Nope. It is my role to mitigate risks to the bank, not to work out how to accept them. Look what happened last time – on my watch – when we took a few risks.

Finance: You want to invest now? You must be joking. Anyway, your numbers show little or no return until year 3. Don't bother unless you can get a return this year. And preferably this quarter.

Call Centre Director: Forget it, I'm not investing in training.

Branch Director: Neither am I.

Online Channel: Is it Web 2.0? Everyone tells me that's what's needed. In fact, Web 2.0 is the answer to everything.

Marketing: The budget is already spent. And our message is "back to basics" banking anyway.

CEO: Yes, that's right. Back to basics. It worked for hundreds of years. It will work now. You need to rethink what you're doing.

7 Responses to“How ready is your institution for the recovery?”

  1. Sam
    March 27, 2009 at 7:03 am #

    That is hilarious and spot on!
    No wonder I don’t think I can ever work for another Bank again 🙂

  2. March 27, 2009 at 10:36 am #

    It is good to know that every other bank is the same 😉

  3. Joe Young
    March 27, 2009 at 12:28 pm #

    That was HILLARIOUS!

  4. D Shea
    March 28, 2009 at 2:51 am #

    That is so not funny and true. 😀

  5. March 28, 2009 at 4:44 pm #

    Customer: What do you mean I can’t have a small loan to buy a new car. I have been a loyal customer for 25 years. If that’s all the gratitude I get, it’s time for the journey to the Zopa website. Byee!
    Only joking. Or am I?
    Graham Hill
    Customer-driven Innovator

  6. March 30, 2009 at 3:53 am #

    Not just true but common on too many (most) Banks.

  7. Jean-Pierre Batier
    March 30, 2009 at 7:20 am #

    I have those answers too. It may be surprising but somewhere it makes me happy to hear those.
    we are paid to be be a bit too early, to touch the walls and push them a bit further, to find the limits of our compagny and make one step more.
    I don’t deny the interest of “evolution” and we have to do it. but is it realy innovation if everyone is ok too quickly ? doesn’t it may mean that it its already known and so may already done ?
    if we get a yes at “first sight” that may mean that we where not “far” enough.

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